Today was presented with a great question… what is my big WHY? Why am I trying to really change my career and the daily grind that I have set up for myself? This was a powerful question early in the morning and I pondered it earnestly. I wanted to get to the most honest answer I could give myself to protect myself. Three things happened this morning, the first was that I woke up and had a reminder on my phone to pray for a little boy that I don’t know but is having heart surgery today. He is just a baby I saw on my news feed and it asked for a simple prayer, so I bent my knees and prayed hard for him. I had apparently set up this reminder two weeks ago and so my day started with a private prayer for this beautiful blond, blue eyed infant taking a valiant journey into such a big surgery; I gave thanks for all that I have and especially for my family.
This gave me focus appreciation for the day and I proceeded to enjoy my family and our morning routine, kissing my daughter and making funny noises, massaging my wife’s sore neck and making sure they both knew just how much I love them. Dropped my little pumpkin at the daycare and went to work to begin my workday. I was immediately drawn to an article, the first one of the day, an article about the end of life. No, actually that’s wrong, it was an article about life and what we regret about it when life is coming to an end for us. The article, posted on RealFarmacy.com, was short and sweet; apparently a palliative nurse has asked for and collected from her dying patients their end of life regrets, what they wished they had done differently.
What surprised me was the simplicity of the regrets. People did not want to have had a better job or earned more money or have been famous, they all regretted not spending more time with their loved ones. Especially the men of older generations; they regretted not spending more time enjoying their children when they were young. People regretted not living the life they had dreamed about living, conforming to the expectations of others when they should have been listening to their heart. People overwhelmingly wished they had allowed themselves to be happier and live more open and emotionally honest lives. This article, like the reminder of the young boy facing surgery for his heart, awakened me and focused my appreciation for my life and my family.
Lastly, I got an email from Ed Gandia asking me a big question, why am I doing this? Why am I thinking of leaving a steady paycheck to venture into the world of writing? Why am I trying to make this change in my life, why do I want to write? How did he know I was thinking about this today? But regardless, I know the answer now; it’s my family… that is the big why. I desperately want to raise my kids, I want to love my wife fully every day, and I want to pass onto the next plane with a heart full of love and memories. To leave my family happy, with memories they can grow from and pass on to their children and grandchildren. This is my big WHY.
I cannot do any of this for my family from a cubicle chasing the dollar on an hourly bases, I cannot live my life and then wonder at the end… should I have dared to try my dream. Since childhood, I have put pen to paper, would I really allow myself to pass on without even trying? But now, my family has created a looking glass, a surgical focus on the reality of what is important in this short gift we call life. I am going to dare to dream but more importantly, I am going to dare to “do” in order to be able to say that I at least tried. Here is to my family, I do all that I do for you, I love you.
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